


a dbh group chat?? in my salad????

by depressed_exe



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Drama, Humor, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Post-Canon, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-04 21:12:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16354388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/depressed_exe/pseuds/depressed_exe
Summary: Nines: You guys should be working.Gavin: no thanksTina: yeah he'd rather you bend him over his desk and phck himHank: PHCKGavin: don't make fun of the way I say fuckNines: Detective...Gavin: WAIT NO DON'T BEND ME OVERTina: lol_____Where the dbh cast make a group chat and it's just full of humor with a bit of drama mixed in.





	a dbh group chat?? in my salad????

**Author's Note:**

> I thought this would be a funny idea. :)

{Saturday; 10:34 am}

{Gavin added Tina, Hank, Connor, and Nines to the group.}

Gavin: yo yo waddup

Hank: wtf

Tina: gav never say that shit again

Gavin: fuck you

Connor: Hi.

Nines: I don't want to be here.

Gavin: lighten up tin can

Nines: No thank you.

Hank: again, wtf

Tina: it's a group chat ya dingus

Hank: no shit

Connor: May I add a few people?

Gavin: yeah idc

Connor: Thank you.

{Connor added Markus, North, Simon and Josh to the group.}

Connor: Gavin made this group chat for all of us so I added you guys.

North: who

Gavin: meee

North: oh

Simon: um

Markus: thanks connor

Connor: You're welcome.

Tina: haha are you guys familiar with memes

Josh: yeah

Simon: kinda

Markus: no

North: I heard of them

Tina: spooky memes

North: what

{Gavin sent an attachment.}

Gavin: doot doot

Josh: I don't get it

Tina: it's a skeleton with a trumpet

Josh: ?

Tina: SPOOKY MEME

Connor: It's October so you get spooky memes?

Gavin: CORRECT

Nines: That's stupid.

Hank: memes in general are stupid

Markus: seems like it

Tina: ur no fun

Simon: they're ok I guess

Tina: YES I LOVE THIS MAN ALREADY

Tina: YOU ARE NOW MY BEST FRIEND

Gavin: you have to be gay to join us tho

North: oh he's gay

Tina: GASP

Simon: NORTH

North: not like you were hiding it

North: i've seen how you look at a certain someone

Simon: please shut up

Josh: I have too

Simon: STOP

Markus: I didn't know you look at someone like that

North: of course you don't

Simon: SHUT UP

Tina: haha I like you guys

Connor: What look?

Hank: love connor

Hank: the look that say 'i'm in fucking love with you have my babies'

Gavin: lmao

Tina: shut up gavin

Tina: like ur one to talk

Gavin: fuck you

North: THAT'S THE ONE

North: THAT'S THE LOOK

Simon: no more please

Connor: Oh. But he usually gives Markus that look.

Simon: fuck

Tina: oh shit waddup

Josh: exactly connor

Simon: JOSH DON'T CONFIRM IT

Connor: Oh! I get it! Simon is in love with Markus!

Gavin: he's just digging your grave simon

Simon: connor why

Markus: I don't mind

North: hehe

Simon: oh

Markus: we'll talk about it later

Tina: nice connor

Tina: you got two peeps together

Tina: now work on gavin

Gavin: just shut up

Connor: Oh that one's easy.

Gavin: jesus christ

Nines: I'm going back to work.

Gavin: yeah me too bye

Tina: lame

~

{Sunday; 1:43 pm}

Tina: I NEED THE DEEDS

Hank: ?

Tina: did those two get together or nah

Connor: I visited them yesterday. They are dating now.

Tina: YAY

Josh: yeah apparently they both liked each other since the revolution ended

Gavin: gay

Hank: says you

Gavin: bitch

Nines: You guys should be working.

Gavin: no thanks

Tina: yeah he'd rather you bend him over his desk and phck him

Hank: PHCK

Gavin: don't make fun of the way I say fuck

Nines: Detective...

Gavin: WAIT NO DON'T BEND ME OVER

Tina: lol

Tina: sorry

Tina: HE WANTS IT COWGIRL STYLE

Hank: hell yeah

Josh: you guys are weird

Josh: I like it

Gavin: thanks brah

Gavin: AND STOP IT YOU TWO

Tina: i'll stop when nines at least does SOMETHING

Nines: You guys are a pain.

Nines: But fine.

Tina: ooo

Hank: he's actually gonna do it

Tina: aww he took him to the other room

Hank: good

Hank: I don't need to see that

Tina: I do tho

Connor: Good for them!

Tina: not good for gav's ass tho

Hank: haha

~

{Monday; 11:19 am}

North: hey connor

Connor: Yes?

North: come visit us and bring your brother

Connor: Ok. I'll ask him.

Connor: We're on our way.

North: sweet

Hank: are you pranking them

North: damnit how'd you know

Hank: idek myself

North: that's crazy

Markus: north what did you do

North: honestly nothing

North: just a surprise

Markus: is it messy

North: nope

Markus: alright then

Josh: it sure is stupid tho

Markus: seriously north

Simon: now you see why I wanted to stay in my room

Markus: yeah now I do

Josh: smart

Markus: i'm coming to your room simon

Markus: I don't want to see this

Simon: ok

North: you guys are cute

Connor: We're here.

North: that was quick

North: just come in

Connor: Ok.

Markus: WHAT WAS THAT NOISE

North: nothing

Josh: don't worry markus

Josh: i'll help clean it up

Markus: clean?

Markus: you said it wasn't messy

North: yeah I lied

Simon: i'll come help

Markus: oh my ra9

~

{Tuesday; 9:34 pm}

Tina: GAVIN

Tina: GAVIN

Tina: GAVIN

Gavin: WHAT

Tina: how was it

Gavin: tf you talking about

Tina: I seen you go inside your house with nines ;)

Gavin: WERE YOU FOLLOWING ME???

Tina: duh

Gavin: fuck you

Tina: did nines already do that

Gavin: NO

Tina: then why's he in your house

Nines: We were watching a movie.

Tina: wait

Gavin: we do it every tuesday and friday

Tina: why tho

Gavin: uh cuz we're friends

Tina: you spelt husband wrong

Gavin: ugh

Tina: nines you should kiss him

Nines: Go home, Tina.

Tina: aww you suck

~

{Wednesday; 2:45 pm}

Markus: guys

Josh: hmm

Markus: I ran into a little boy at the park on my way back from the paint shop

Markus: I bought him a balloon from the balloon stand and now he's following me

Markus: what do I do

Josh: simon should know

Simon: yeah

Simon: did you analyze him

Markus: no

Markus: I thought we were trying to be more human by not doing that

Simon: yeah so ask him his name

Markus: he said it's austin

Markus: oh he's an android

Simon: oh!

Markus: no home or owners to go to

Simon: bring him here with you

Josh: you sure simon?

Josh: you get attached to children easily

Simon: yeah it's fine

Markus: ok on my way back

~

{Wednesday; 6:32 pm}

Gavin: i'm hungry

Tina: so?

Gavin: I need food

Tina: k

Gavin: gimme fooooood

Tina: no

Hank: just get your own food

Gavin: YOU'RE NOT MY DAD

Gavin: ALWATS WANNA HEAR SOMETHING

Gavin: UGLY ASS FUCKING NOODLE HEAD

Hank: what

Connor: What's so funny? Why is Officer Chen laughing on the floor?

Gavin: lmaoooo

Nines: Should I help her?

Hank: she's fine

Nines: Ok.

Nines: I'll get you food, Gavin.

Hank: wait what

Nines: Something wrong?

Hank: since when do you call gavin by his first name

Gavin: shut it old man

Tina: i'm ok 

Tina: WAIT

Tina: NINES

Tina: GAVIN

Tina: WTH

Hank: i'm wondering that too

Gavin: omg you're dumb

Connor: How do you two not get what's going on?

Hank: huh?

Tina: what

Nines: Gavin and I are together.

Hank: what

Nines: Some would say we're dating.

Tina: SOME WOULD SAY HOLY FUCK

Tina: SINCE WHENADGJKJCAA

Gavin: since two months ago

Hank: wow

Tina: HOW TF

Connor: It was obvious.

Gavin: see he's not dumb

Hank: now that I see it

Hank: it is kinda obvious

Tina: WOAHHHH

Tina: I'M SO HAPPY

Nines: Ok. Let's get back to work now.

~

{Thursday; 12:58 pm}

{Markus added Kara, Luther, and Alice to the group.}

Markus: thought i'd be nice

Kara: a group?

Kara: for what?

Markus: just to chat with everyone

Kara: oh ok

Tina: new people?

Alice: Hi!

Tina: hey

Markus: alice is a little girl by the way

Tina: oh!

Tina: I love kids!

Markus: I added them because jericho has a new addition

Connor: Is it that little boy you told me about the other day?

Markus: yeah

Markus: so I thought he could be another friend for alice

Alice: So someone my age?

Markus: yeah his name's austin

Alice: Cool!

Kara: we'll bring her over whenever to meet him

Markus: ok

Connor: How is Austin doing over there?

Markus: perfect

Markus: he warmed up to simon real quick

Markus: josh has only dealt with kids a lot older so he's trying to get along with him

Markus: he doesn't seem to like north too much

North: hey

North: he just doesn't like my sense of humor

Simon: you can't talk about hitting someone with a stick north

Simon: he's only a kid

North: he's gotta defend himself

Simon: not by hitting people

Simon: don't teach him that

North: ok dad

Tina: lol does austin call simon 'dad'

North: might as well

Josh: no he calls him 'si'

Josh: kinda cute

North: simon treats him like a son though

Josh: he does kinda look like him

North: yeah you're right

Simon: he does?

Josh: yeah

Josh: blond hair, blue eyes

Markus: soft and caring facial features, gentle and loving eyes

North: omg markus

Markus: huh?

Connor: Is that what they call 'whipped'?

North: yup

Simon: :)

Markus: leave me alone

Markus: but he does look like you

Simon: he's also got that determined voice like you have

Simon: he can convince anyone to play with him and to do things for him

Markus: don't forget the big and comforting hugs

Markus: the same ones you give

Simon: his artistic skill is very similar to yours

Markus: and his cute laugh

Markus: kinda like yours

North: cute

Connor: I got to get back to work.

Tina: same

Josh: bye

~

{Friday; 10:23 pm}

Tina: gav

Tina: nines

Tina: y'all fucking?

Hank: tina leave them alone

Tina: nah I like messing with them

Hank: ok fine

Nines: We just got done watching a movie.

Tina: which one

Nines: IT

Tina: the original?

Nines: No. The newer one.

Tina: damn

Tina: where's gav

Nines: He fell asleep. He's laying on my lap.

Tina: nice

Nines: I'm new to this. Should I do something for him?

Tina: run a warm bubble bath and soak in it with him

Tina: make sure he's in comfy clothes after (specifically one of your shirts and boxers)

Tina: then lay down with him in his bed

Tina: wake him the next morning with coffee and breakfast food

Tina: simple

Tina: he'll love you forever if you do that

Nines: Noted. Thank you.

Tina: anytime my dude

Hank: saps


End file.
